Friday, April 18, 2014

QQ Irony...

Me: "What's your class called?"

Catherine: "A  class    teaching  us  how  to  make  money   ourselves."

Me: "You should pay attention, and then you will be rich!"

Catherine: "I have no interest."

Sunday, April 6, 2014


With enough time, a ghost will cease to haunt.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Roll To Me...

I'm tired of it never being the right time, or the right situation.
How have I not earned my place at least a thousand times over yet?

If a twenty-five year old could be tired and broken from playing high-school football, then consider me shattered from a lifetime of being the "young, strong" man and given all of the hard work.

When we pay our dues, we are supposed to reap the benefits,
but I see no benefit on the horizon for me.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Far Away...

Dear Lord,

Please allow me some time to try and figure out who I am when I am free to do whatever I want.

You know that these thoughts and desires never leave me, yet you have me here in a place where everything is exacerbated and nobody desires you at all. There is life without your community around me, but what does that look like, and who do I turn into without it?

I remember once who I was and what I did, and I didn't like it. So, I came back to you. If we leave each other now will I come back? This time has flexed my person, but I think I can feel the Holy Spirit; unbending. If that's a part of me like someone truly saved, then it has always been a part of me; especially one that I have miscategorized and mislabeled many times before, but it is always with me.

There is probably no doubt that I'll return, and I'm not so sure what this lack of community is showing me, but I can definitely live. There is life without you, but it's strange and it's unfulfilling, and I take pieces of it with me always and walk with them. Other people always get them, but they do not value them and keep them.

I think about things, and I do things that I don't want to. I shit-talk people behind their backs. I start imagining how easy it would be to sacrifice my morals and take up a girlfriend or a wife that isn't also a believer; something so hypocritical to what I really hope for. I am starting to lose the reverence for religion that I once had. My mind floats towards my life without religion, and thoughts of how microscopically things can make sense without you; not macroscopically, of course, but we only have a limited time on this earth, and I think that most people just don't have the energy to try and consider all of the universe at once in their daily lives... so they leave you out of it.

I feel like I'm turning into one of those people.

So, please allow me some time to return.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

What's Been Going On Lately...

We're near the end of our vacation now.

It's difficult to recount all of the things that happened since we set forth on our journey, but I can remember that the train ride out to Yunnan was pretty easy, followed by the weather at the first hostel (The Hump) being pretty fantastic. It was also nice to see our fellow Peace Corps members come through and talk with them a little bit on their travels. I ended up buying a jade cross that I now wear, because I thought it looked cool, but I also thought it was neat because jade is distinctly Chinese just as the cross is distinctly Christian.

From Kunming, we moved on to Dali. I got really sick there with something I decided to call "Paper Face". I had strep throat-like symptoms and my lips turned into the striations on the side of a volcano. I had thick mucous and my ear canals also hurt pretty bad. Unfortunately this lasted a pretty long time, at least 6 days, and it caused us to have to skip our next destination; Tiger Leaping Gorge. It was unfortunate to miss that because TLG was kind of the crux of our entire trip and the biggest sight to see.

We eventually took the long distance bus from Dali to Xishuangbanna, which turned out to be one of the most ridiculous experiences of my entire life. The trip started off with a pit-stop in the first forty five minutes of our departure. They woke everybody up by setting off firecrackers right at the door of the bus, while this short, chubby guy with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth ushered people the only food within walking distance that also happened to be four times more expensive than usual.

Finally, in XSB, we've just been walking around and eating the local cuisine. It seems that this place is a very loose blend of Thailand and China in one. We also happen to be three hours from the border of Myanmar. Tomorrow we'll be going to a rainforest... so we'll see how that goes...

Monday, January 20, 2014

Toys R' Us Kid...

The world seems to think that it's pretty adult, doesn't it?

Grown-ups fool each other; hiding what they think they don't want the children to see until they're old enough to handle it. But, it only makes the world's attempt at adulthood look sad, when I can see every bit of it coming.

Wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove will always be my goal.

I am tired of the world, and when it tries to show me how smart and sneaky it is.
Now, I'm surrounded by people who cover-up so many things because they think that an act will spare them a little heartache, and then, some who press a wound on me and keep pressing until I'm forced into a corner and give them a reason that they don't want to hear.

I'm trying my best not to be judgmental, or at least show it... but so many people want something from me and I want everything from everyone else, yet, nothing at all.

What is an adult anyways?

Do they look away and lose interest when I make a joke they don't enjoy?
Do they make complicated decisions with their sex-life without knowing full-well what they are doing?
Do they reject some form of doctrine because doctrine is the mark of youth?

How many people's lives have become better when they became an "adult"?

I think none, and I don't want to grow up...

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Eighteen Parsecs...

The distance between the stars is a thing of concern for me; that there are these infinitely interesting things out there that we can't get very close to, doing all manner of things we don't yet know about. They are so far away that their light reaches us much too late; we can only see what they were doing millions of years ago!

I think it would be cool if I could make myself grow big enough to make the distance between those burning balls of gas and rock a manageable thing. Like, if it were only a short stroll to Jupiter, or Alpha Centauri. Perhaps it could be like an annoyingly long car ride to South Carolina, a handful of hours, a strain on your back and boring, but still somehow imaginable as being within the realm of tolerable.

I just want to learn about things. Learning makes me feel less lonely. In fact, sometimes, it makes me feel fulfilled in a way that I think the actualized desire of loneliness could never hope to achieve. I struggle for those moments though, because it seems that the world's goal is to lock you down and keep you in a position where your intake is always small; always predictable